Welcome back to Signs Of Intelligent Life?. We've got a hell of a show for you today - we're on location from Australia! "How is that possible?", you might ask, knowing as you do that my trip Down Under isn't taking place for another month. That is so, but we've received some opportune submissions making this episode possible. So join us, as we explore the land of Oz and the wonderful signs they have.

First up are several pictures collected by the tireless Drew Shelton. Apparently, his boss was down in Australia and showed these (and others) in a slideshow at work. Drew made sure to ask her for copies, to pass on to me and thus you, the viewers. That's dedication!

To the left is a picture of a cassowary crossing road sign, as well as a sign explaining what that sign actually means. Apparently, the cassowary is a large, flightless, frugivorous bird. And what does frugivorous mean, you ask? Why feeding on fruits, of course.

Now to be sure, here in North America we have signs for pedestrian crossings, deer crossing, even moose crossing. But a cassowary crossing, that's just alien to me. As is the cassowary. What's next, hurricanes that rotate clockwise (not drains though)? This is madness!

Next up are two anti-swimming signs, at least as far as I read them. It looks like if you go swimming anywhere in Australia, they'll sic crocodiles on you. That may seem unnecessarily harsh. Then again, if you plan on swimming in the woods as in the first image, well then you deserve whatever you get. Instead of swimming when I get to Australia, I plan to check out the many representations of crocodiles. As for you, those images will have to do.

The sign to the right should be fairly self-expanatory. Apologies for the low image quality - I'll see if I can snap my own shot of such a sign when I get down there, or you can have a hand at Photoshopping it yourself, with the original. If you can't read it, the sign says No Alcohol, No Brawling and No Camping. I don't even know where to begin here. The No Alcohol piece is fairly obvious, though it's amusing that our fine stick-friend is getting nicely crunked. I would have assumed the sign would simply show a bottle or a six-pack, particularly since it's No Alcohol, not No Drinking.

Anyhow, the second admonition of No Brawling is a new one for me. No Alcohol, sure. No Camping, ok. But No Brawling? When did it become necessary to post a sign for this? Is brawling allowed where this sign isn't posted? I guess when your nation is founded as a penal colony, anything goes. Except when you post a sign to prevent it, of course. Knowing as we do how malefactors respect the ultimate authority of...The Sign.

Just to finish up with this, even the No Camping bit seems to be lacquered with the lustrous shellac of ridiculousness (did you like that one?). The top item is a tent, but what is the one below it? The image quality is low, but can there be any doubt that that's a pair of skis, most likely water skis? Alright, sure, it's probably something else, but for now I'll remain ignorant and amused at the idea that water skiing is considered part of camping.

According to contributor Matt Semmelhack, who gave us the first image:

Apparently jellyfish are no joke on the north/east coast of Australia. I think Australia has something like the 10 most poisonous animals in the world and the box jellyfish is right up there. So try to take this sign more seriously.

Yes, if you submit a sign, you can throw in your own commentary and we may include it. Feel free to make up "facts", because we don't check that or anything. If it sounds good, it'll air. Anyhow, the second image comes from Drew's collection, and I actually like it more. For his part, he merely said that he was "upset by the jellyfish sign on so many levels".

The signs themselves are nearly identical. The first sign is more specific, which is helpful, as I wouldn't ever think of November-May as the Summer months. Stupid Southern hemisphere. In both signs, that poor stick-swimmer is in trouble, but at least he's smartly detached his torso from his legs, to better escape. I wouldn't recommend that for anyone else though.

The best part of this pair is found in the second image, where you'll see a second sign. This sign says (I believe) "Vinegar - For use on marine stings. Pour on - DO NOT seek medical attention". That is fantastic. Sure enough, right above it is a big jug of vinegar. A bit of research indicates that this really is a good cure for the stings, but the line "DO NOT seek medical attention" gets me every time. All it needs is ", freakin' tourist." on the end to really express itself.

Finally, we've got a sign detailing a tragic tale of physics with a well-drawn palm tree, from Matt:

In Matt's own words:

"I rented a bike in Cairns and rode about 20 km up the coast to this deserted beach. Apparently the population was decimated by the indirect effects of gravity, despite this very clear signage. I laughed when I saw it but couldn't relax under any palm trees for the rest of the trip.

Truly a sad tale, don't you think? However, it occurs to me that perhaps the poor gent under the tree was attacked by the heads of other stick figures who came before. Perhaps when Adam and others like him take a particularly nasty fall, their heads simply pop off. I'm not sure how they'd make their way into trees, but once they get there, look out!

That's all from Australia, but we'll hopefully be back here soon. In the meantime, snap a picture of any hilarious signs you find and send them in, and join us next time when we go on another search for Signs Of Intelligent Life?.