Montego Bay From Richmond Hill

   Early in March, I finished reading Robert Ludlam's The Cry of The Halidon, which takes place in Jamaica. The book made me realize that I'd like to go to Jamaica, so I organized a trip for myself. I invited the only person I know who has the same freedom and ability to hop on a plane and go, my business partner Quentin, and within a couple days (and after a major snag), we were all set.

   Tuesday, Quentin and I flew in to Montego Bay, and met up at the hotel. Doctor's Cave Beach Hotel is on the so-called "Hip Strip", which consists of a couple dozen restaurants, a half dozen bars, and seven thousand souvenir stores. We showed up separately, checked in, and wandered the street (Gloucester Avenue). We then grabbed a $500 dinner at the Pelican (Oh those wacky Jamaican dollars) and watched the sun set over the water from the public beach. After that, we pretty much called it a night, as neither of us had slept in over a day. I'd been up, except for catnaps on the plane, for about 32 hours and Quentin for 27, so we were due.

   Tuesday's offers for marijuana ("Weed Count"): 7

   On Wednesday, I woke up just before 9 and got Quentin so we could take advantage of our "free" continental breakfast at the hotel. Service was incredibly slow, but in Jamaica? No problem. Between slow service in general, and all the people hitting us up on the street, I can see how people wouldn't enjoy Jamaica. But if you know what to expect, and you're laid back, it's certainly a fun place.

   We hung out at Doctor's Cave beach all day, got some Burger King for lunch and Chinese food for dinner. After that, I hung out at the hotel's pool party, played some Beirut and watched Kenny (the MC) make a fool of himself. Shockingly, I met several students from Tufts, including a couple DTD pledge washouts. So, shout-outs to Alex, Bharat, Dan, and Tom. When they mentioned they went to Tufts, I was shocked. They were equally shocked when I'd not only heard of Tufts, but graduated from it.

   The most interesting thing today was meeting Joe, the local who was hanging out at the beach. He floated in the ocean and chatted up swimmers who came near, eventually offering both of us (separately) marijuana. The question is, however, is that his office? Man, that'd be sweet. I also got online for the first time since early Tuesday, and had 794 emails waiting for me. Fortunately 500+ were spam, so the work level isn't too bad.

   Wednesday Weed Count: 7

    Originally, we had planned to visit Dunn's River Falls on Thursday, but the tour didn't fill up, so that was move. Instead we hung out around the hotel, did some work in the morning, then took a taxi tour around Montego Bay. It was an excellent way to see many different parts of the city, from the Richmond Hill Inn and its fabulous views, (including a neighborhood where a four hour shootout took place (ended finally by the army)) to the mansions of the drug smugglers.

   There was a bit of a cultural disconnect, as I asked Wilson (our driver/guide) if he felt they had enough police officers and he replied in the affirmative. He later mentioned offhand that one of the major crops in the hills (off the coast) is marijuana, and that there was a large marijuana field near his house. For me, if the whole neighborhood knows about a marijuana field and it's still there, there aren't enough cops. Above you can also see a striking yellow drug mansion, and the aptly-named Eden II. If they sold beds, I think I would have started squatting there.

   We had dinner at Thai Gardens/Akbar, the Thai and Indian restaurants above the Hip Strip. It's two restaurants in one, and they handed us each two menus which was odd. Anyhow, it was quite good (apparently, the Jamaicans know their Asian cuisine) and as we were paying the waitress asked with some incredulity if we were "Spring Breakers". I diplomatically stated that no, Quentin and were "out of school", which is certainly true. I then inquired as to why she'd asked, and she explained that they don't get many kids on Spring Break in there, which I felt was worthy of note. I'm not sure what it means - I guess they don't give away enough alcohol. Even so, the food was excellent.

   Later, I headed over to Margaritaville to try and meet up with Bharat and Alex. The place was packed, as women got in free on Thursdays. I finally found them in the private lounge on top, which required a $30 wristband to get in (for unlimited drinks, and on top of the $10 cover). That's well over the amount I wanted to drink, even at $5.50 for a Corona, so I headed back downstairs and met two women named Jennifer and Lindsay. I later gave the private lounge another try while they went to the Ladies' room, and convinced the doorman to let me in for a minute to find the Tufts boys. I probably could have stayed up there, but instead we agreed to meet up at Doctor's Cave beach Friday. I left Margaritaville at 1 with Jennifer and her sister, taking the free shuttle home, all of a quarter mile.

   Thursday Weed Count: 8

    I woke up early on Friday to go hang out with Jennifer before she left at 9:30. I went to meet her at Breezes across the street at 8:30, but apparently guests aren't allowed past the lobby, which led to me going back to my room to sleep. The lesson here? Fuck Breezes. Q and I got breakfast around 10:30, then went to Doctor's Cave beach again.

   We hung out, and even got lunch on the beach. I ordered a veggie burger, and got a regular burger instead. After much work attempting to remedy the situation, I was told that I did in fact have a veggie burger. It was a crock, but I smiled and nodded before simply throwing it out, unwilling to be bothered on my vacation. I later met up with the Tufts boys again, and we hung out on the beach for a couple hours.

   Quentin and I then went back to the Cyber Cafe to do some work, then got takeout pizza and watched some TV. We split up and I went over to the Groovy Grouper party to rejoin the Tufts guys. The party at the Grouper had three names ("The Hookup Party", "Margaritaville's Foam Party", and "The 60s/70s Party"), none of which were accurate. As always, the party consisted of the same 20 or so hip-hop songs played too loudly, but it was fun. By the time I got there, no one was checking wristbands, so I got in free and got free drinks (to which all guests were entitled). The Tufts guys and I hung out on the beach, then back at their hotel minus Tom, before we went to the Jamaican Bobsled Cafe for pizza and drinks. They were flying home in the morning, so I picked up the check and bid them farewell. So long, Alex, Bharat, and Dan.

   Good Friday Weed Count: 9

   

   Saturday, Quentin and I headed out towards Ocho Rios, to check out Dunn's River Falls. Much like petting a tiger, Dunn's River Falls is something you'd never find in the US. At the falls, visitors begin at the bottom of a 600-foot waterfall, and are led up by a guide. We climbed against a decently strong current, on and over algae-covered rocks, taking pictures along the way. Most everyone was very careful, but it would have been tremendously easy to get a minor injury or worse if you fell at the wrong spot.

   One distinctive part of the climb was the "waterslide". Part way up the falls, there was an especially smooth rock above a deeper pool (maybe 3 feet max). The guides instructed us on how to slide down into the water, and it was fun. Could we have cracked our skulls open? Oh my yes. Would there have been a lawsuit? Probably not in Jamaica. After we finished our tour, Quentin and I decided to do it again by ourselves. We rented a locker, threw in everything we had, and headed to the base again. This time, we tackled some of the harder parts. It was like rock climbing, but you know, even more dangerous. We felt decently skilled after this second ascent, but the real skill is evident after seeing guides dash up the falls at full speed.

   The drive to the Falls and and back was interesting, taking us right along the coast most of the way. Wilson, our guide from Thursday took us again, and pointed out various sites. Very little stands out, though we did see Columbus' landing point from 1794. We also saw some goats that were out roaming, and a $100 dollar store which I didn't manage to snap a picture of.

   Saturday Weed Count: 4

   Easter Sunday was another lazy day at the beach. We got breakfast, then meandered over to the beach. I got in for free, with the wristband bequeathed to me by my Tufts boys, though I neglected to bring the Groovy Goblet (free drinks 11-4). While coming out of the water I met up with a couple girls, Elizabeth and Carolyn, from New York. As always happens on vacation, they needed someone to take their picture, and we got to talking. We also got a bucket of 6 Coronas (delicious) for $15, which was great. It was a Heiniken sand bucket, and they didn't have limes so we got a cup of lime juice, but it was still delicious.

   We hung out talking until the sunset, after which Quentin and I went out to dinner at Tapas ("Where Chefs Dine"). The restaurant sits on top of a hill above the Hip Strip, with a nice view of the ocean and the other side of the little bay. It was very small and uncrowded, with only one other table being served. The food was fantastic, and I'd highly recommend finding Tapas for yourself if you come to MoBay. It's a bit hidden, up a hill and past the parking lot used for Margaritaville and others, but it's worth the trek.

   Sunday weed count: 1

   There's little to report for Monday, as it was another lazy day at the beach, filled largely with sun and reading. Quentin and I left the beach after sunset, came back to the Cyber Cafe to work. We went to the Groovy Grouper for dinner, where I had a very tasty veggie wrap. After that, we came back to the hotel to work for a few hours.

   At that point, my weed count was at a shocking 0. We knew this wouldn't do, so we went out to the Jamaican Bobsled Cafe for late-night pizza. Sure enough, we got an offer, as well as an offer to check out a massage parlor. Those are always on the up and up, especially at midnight, right?

   Monday weed count: 1

   Tuesday was the last day of this journey. Quentin and I got up for a late breakfast and checked out around 11:30. Quentin then headed off to the airport (with Wilson driving) while I went over to the beach for a couple hours. I soaked up my last rays of sun and got my last minutes of ocean water for what is sure to be months, then headed back to the hotel to get my bags. I too got a ride from Wilson, and left Jamaica just after 5.

   Tuesday weed count: 0!

   I had a great time, doing very little and enjoying the warmth. Jamaica's a fun place, though I had no need for the marijuana or readily available alcohol. I met some fun people, did some fun things, and had some good food. Montego Bay itself isn't anything terribly impressive, but Doctor's Cave beach was very nice, and the area is fine. I think I'll definitely be checking out some other islands before returning to Jamaica, but I may be back, in many a day.

   Three short asides:

   Aside #1
   I finally got online around 6:15 pm, Wednesday afternoon. I sat in the small internet cafe, overlooking the beach and the ocean, looking out at where the sun would have been setting had it not been so cloudy. I could certainly get used to that view, seen above, instead of the back alley and driveway my office windows currently look out on.

   Aside #2
   I was contemplating a new shirt for tourists to Jamaica. I know I'd buy one, and that must mean there's a enormous market, right? Anyhow, this shirt will read, in large block letters:

   When I mentioned this, my friend John suggested I make it out of hemp. I'm all for irony, but hemp makes for lousy (and expensive) t-shirts. But I really think this would sell. Certainly, some people come to Jamaica to smoke, but a large percentage will have no interest in it. This would be the perfect way to avoid all the hassle, politely.

   I wrote the above on Wednesday, shortly after arriving. On Tuesday, just before I left, I found this.



   Aside #3
   The TV Guide channel in our hotel in Jamaica had background music playing while the listings scrolled. That's fairly standard, either that or inane commentary on various new TV shows. However, what was amusing was that they appeared to only be playing three songs, in a steady loop. I've been unable to identify these songs, but each had one trite hook that I took to singing loudly and off-key. Those hooks were #1 "Got nooooo tears left to cry", #2 "I'm guuuuuuilty for just being meeeeeee", and #3 "Our love is like a raaaaainbow, after the rain". Oh, it was delightfully bad.