Welcome once again to When The Internet Attacks! Today, I've got three great new emails to share, direct from our users. Identities have been masked to protect the intelligence-challenged. If you aren't familiar with our show, these emails are all real, found during my day-to-day duties at Rogue Amoeba. I cull the best (worst) of the bunch to mock for your amusement and my sanity. So let's get started. First up is hyper-active Ivan.

Greetings !
I am not able to sleep. Woke up, still a newbie, decided to take a look at MacAmp that was downloaded a few days ago in order to get out from under iTunes inability to STAY on radio site... and to RECORD audio. MacAmp says nothing. Suddenly, here's QUALITY !!! EVERYTHING I WANT IS HERE, even moving cassettes into digital. I am totally fucking amazed. But it's 2:11 am and I'm nnnnnoooootttt going to go out in the cold rain to get the wallet which has the golden key to paradise, the credit card. Just yet. There's no way to get my cat to do this either. THANK YOU FOR MAKING AN AMAZINGLY VERSATILE PRODUCT, ONE WHICH I'LL BE PROUD TO USE !

question: how do I take MacAmp out of the system ? I don't need it, do I ? I don't know how to make a total withdrawal of MacAmp files, so take a minute and let me know how to uninstall MacAmp. In a few hours I am buying the Pro. WOW

Ivan
ps you know the guys at 'FrenchCanvas.com' ? Princeton

This email doesn't really need a comment from me, I don't think. Rest assured, however, that the quote "There's no way to get my cat to do this either" has taken on a life of its own at this point.

I have AudioHijack 2.5. Under the "Input" option I have selected the AM/FM Radio pull-down and see a full FM radio scale, yet I cannot hear an FM station, nor change to the AM band. I have search the Manual and cannot find an answer. What am I not doing.

I am using a Macintosh Powerbook G4, 1.67ghz computer.

Now, this email from James one might be a bit too cryptic, I'm not sure. To simplify, Audio Hijack Pro 2.5 allows for input from various AM/FM radios that can connect to your computer. Once you hook a radio up, AH Pro can talk to it and pull audio from it. The catch is that you need to actually, ya know, have a radio. Put plainly, a piece of software alone is incapable of tuning into terrestrial radio stations, in the same way that a drawing of a radio can't actually allow you to hear Howard Stern. That's incredibly obvious to me, and to most of our users, so this email gave us a good chuckle.

Our last email is just sickening, truly a terrible indictment of the level of intelligence on the internet.

hey was up i want to know who i diplay my info when iam broadcast

iam doing a live show so i want my in info run as iam doing the show can u tell me what to do & how to do it

do u have # where i can get ahold of someone

well thankz

ezekiel

Oh the humanity! That email is barely readable, and trying to actually decipher it makes my ears bleed. The grammar, the spelling, the punctuation - it's all just terrible. I can't even describe the physical pain this email causes me, even as I read it for the tenth time. For the love of all things holy people, don't let your English turn into...that.

That's all for now, but be sure to join us next time on When The Internet Attacks! You can bet I'll be making fun of strangers for your amusement, so tune in!