Episode #14: Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete - 7/24/05Welcome to another episode of When The Internet Attacks!. Let's take another moment to appreciate our new artwork. Thanks go out once again to Shaolin for that. Now then, last episode we featured the attacks of a single individual, one Martin Mannerless. Today, we've again got an episode devoted to just one crazy fellow. The following emails were found during my day-to-day duties at Rogue Amoeba. In about a two-hour period (104 minutes, to be exact), I received 9 emails from one user. I received these all at once, as I didn't check my email until all 9 had arrived. I can only imagine the neglected childhood this poor user faced. Allow me to present to you...Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete.
Email #1
Timestamp: 11:37 pm
Subject: Nice freaking up f"ing grade
What the hell, real f'ing nice, your software is totally booty. Sorry
for the bad time, but your upgrade is total garbage..any way I can get
the old version back so I can broadcast again, or refund my money??????
Real nice, you are going by the way of Netscape
programmers,,....duh....it works for us..screw you......
How the hell could my connections and setting be ok for the old version
and then up grade and nothing works..who the hell is going on. Your
software is booty, again,,butt,,,tell the exec's and who ever is
running the show they suck, thanks for nothing, your help manual is
crap, your upgrade is crap, how do you sleep at night.
boy i cant wait for the automated response to tell me thanks for using
nicecast....blah blah blah....your software sucks...
Loosers
wont use it again..
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
Email #2
Timestamp: 11:59 pm
Subject: yeah what ever
you still suck........
your software is crap......
you still suck
I will not stop until I get my money back or you fix your crap software
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
your software sucks
Email #3
Timestamp: 12:01 am
Subject: oh yeah....I aint done
nice freaking help manual. You still suck
I will not stop
your software is garbage. Thanks for the upgrade to nothing works
your suck
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
Email #4
Timestamp: 12:03 am
Subject: stilllllll sucking
so whats the difference between the old verison had the
:8000/playlist.pls and the new crap which mind you sucks is
:8000/m3u some crap like that
your software is garbage, could you please forward this to your manager
he sucks tooo
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
Email #5
Timestamp: 12:06 am
Subject: Im back again
Have another one you freaking Humps...thats so cleaver,,,42 day refund.
How about a 6 hour trying to get this new upgrade to work refund. I
have a website and I will stop and no end to tell people to not use
your product. It sucks.
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
ps
I will be back tomorrow.....and maybe you wont suck as much, but I
really doubt it
NICE
Email #6
Timestamp: 1:18 am
Subject: still freaking garbage
you still suck...I Mean SUCK
How the hell can verson 1.7 work swimmingly
please upgrade to 1.8
BAMMM
the freaking wheels come off..what the hell
your software and the help manual suck
please tell your boss this
YOU Suck
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
I want my money back
losers. Check Please!. I was broadcasting a..ok 20 minutes before I
downloaded the """"NEW VERSION""""" and NOW listen to me do nothing
I mean
nothing...thanks for nothing, your software sucks, your help manual
sucks, your company sucks, Screw you.....
Like I said i will keep on your crappy company, til you get it
right....you suck
Email #7
Timestamp: 1:19 am
Subject: just a quick reminder
Your software still sucks.
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
Email #8
Timestamp: 1:20 am
Subject: If you didnt get the last one
your software still sucks.....
nicecrap, instead of nicecast...
you suck
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
Email #9
Timestamp: 1:21 am
Subject: thank you
I just told all my people, and its quite a lot of them
Your software is garbage, nice going..........
Your software is crap
Your programmers are weak
Your Company is crap
Pay-Attention-To-Me Pete
bye
If you wondering about the spacing, I attempted to recreate the emails as accurately as possible. It would seem that the Return key bears the brunt of Pete's physical anger. Something to bear in mind here is that his first email came in at 11:30 pm (east coast, still 8:30 pm west coast). If he expects an automated response, why bother with this? Any faceless corporation worth its salt can easily just block this sort of thing. If he does think these will be read by a real person (like, ya know, me), then why be such an incredible asshole? We'll probably never know.
Anyhow, I emailed him back asking for some details on what was going wrong. It's rather amazing, he sent 9 emails, and there's not a lick of information as to the real problem is. Well, beyond the fact that "it sucks". And I suck. And the programmers suck. And my manager sucks. I guess what we really should do is stop making suckful software. Anyhow, I'm awaiting a response which I anticipate will be just as abusive. Goodie.
A fun thing to do is decide on your favorite part of this whole thing. I'm partial to all of email seven. The title raised my hopes slightly that there might be something useful, only to have the body dash them with it's brief but clear message. Quentin, however, enjoys the PS on email #5 best of all. How about you?
That's all for now on this episode of When The Internet Attacks!, but you can be sure we'll be back soon with more madness. Don't go far!
