Welcome back to Signs Of Intelligent Life?! We've had a bit of a hiatus, but we've scoped out several new locations and come back with some great finds. Stay tuned for episodes shot on location in Washington, DC, Seattle, Italy, and a return trip to China. Best of all, we've got an episode from glamorous Cleveland, Ohio! Right now though we've got a collection of signs contributed by viewers of the show. Won't you join us on a tour of utterly random signs?

First up are a couple images courtesy of one Brian Edwards, recent transplant from Boston to Santa Barbara, California. In the course of his cross-country road trip, Mr. Edwards came across some signs worth sharing.

As Brian said, that can only equal a good, safe time. I know when I'm at a gas station, after fuel, the most important things are those found on the sign. Of course, once I buy the gun and ammo, I can get the rest for free. When it goes from just stupid to stupid and criminal, that's when you know it's a good day.

Brian also came upon (oh man, that's bad) the sign seen to the right, which you might think we'd be too classy to mock. You would think wrong though. It's a real convenience store in the Midwest. Interestingly enough, it's also reason #372 to fly over the Midwest instead of driving through it.

The sign seen to the left (click to enlarge) comes from an English construction site courtesy of John Astemborski. Honestly, none of us know what the hell is going on here. Is that guy screaming and showing us just how fucked up his hand is? Because shit, that would keep me from entering that area. Or maybe his arm is getting crushed by a phantom guardian hand, a la the Monty Python foot? I dunno, but between the airline restrictions and now this, I'm steering clear of England for a bit.

Meanwhile, click the sign on the right to fly 6000 miles around the globe to San Francisco, for a picture from Kevin Avila. I spent a long time analyzing this one. After working at it, doing some calculations, and consulting with two independent authorities, I think I finally figured it out. What this sign means is that you should fucking park somewhere else.

This one comes courtesy of show favorite Drew Shelton, who we have on location at his job. Drew?

"Thanks Paul! This is one that irks me every time I go to the fridge at work. Look at the picture.

Now, I could deal with the sign reminding me to take only my own food and drink out of the fridge, although I'm a little disappointed that someone felt it was necessary ("oh, I just thought everything in here was free!"). It's the "milk and cream" sign that bothers me. Why the hell would I need to be thanked? Shouldn't I be thanking the sign? Shouldn't the sign say, "You're welcome"? I guess that would be a little snotty. Regardless, if either sign should be thanking me, it's the one that is actually asking me to do something, even if the "something" is "quit stealing Carol's leftovers." Otherwise, I feel like the sign is thanking me for taking milk and cream. Wise up, sign! I don't use your milk or cream! And why didn't you tell me where the Sweet and Low was while you were at it?

In conclusion, I just spent a fair number of words on a pair of single-sentence signs that you may not even find amusing.

P.S. I don't remember those signs being so filthy in person. Maybe it's the camera, or maybe we're filthy. Why would people touch the signs so much? Back to you Paul."

Thank you Drew. Those are some filthy signs indeed. We go now to Mexico, where we have Josh Halpern live, on a rented bike. Josh?

...

Josh, are you there? Did we lose him?

"-Yes Paul, thank you. Here's a sign that made me get off my rented bike and take a picture for you. This is the Hungry Monster Ahead sign. I'm told by some Mexicans that it means "spelunking", which I understand is Spanish for "Famished Chupacabra, 100 Feet". Also, here's a picture of a monkey showing off his penis for my camera."

(Off-camera) "Cut the feed! Now!"

We uh...I'm sorry...we seem to have lost Josh, but uh...yes, thank you Josh! It's just about time to wrap things up here, but before we go, let us share one final submission, from Neil Wickens.

Excellent! That's all for this episode of SOIL. I'd like to take a minute to thank Brian, John, Kevin, Drew, Josh, and Neil for their help with this episode. Send your own submissions and you might just wind up on air. We hope you'll join us again soon, for the next episode of Signs Of Intelligent Life?. If we're lucky, it won't take 5 months to air!