Letter #1
I got a follow-up email from Serena, who forwarded me the original message that went out to some animal action list.

From: Rita Fazio
Date: Mon Mar 8, 2004 8:09 pm
Subject: Killing A Baby Harp Seal: AN ARTICLE IN IGNORANCE AND STUPIDITY!!!

This is probably meant to be a joke, nonetheless, it is a stupid, ignorant piece of trash. We have too many people in our society who will think this is true. Seals are not vicious animals and do not attack people. Please read the information below this piece of trash article.

Contact info. for the author of this article is below. He is a college student. What a shocker, NOT! It seems some college students have nothing better to do (while most are dedicated and serious about their education.) If you would like to let him know that his "musings" on the net, about harp seals, is in bad taste, especially since they are suffering horrendously at the hands of ignorant, greedy hunters, please be respectful and polite. Ask him to remove this article, which paints a completely false picture of the seals and their plight.

Thanks,
Rita

It's interesting to note that not one person (not even Rita herself) asked me to remove the article, or add a note that it was a joke, while several attacked me personally. Respectful and polite indeed.

I had a brief phone conversation with Eva today, who wanted to apologize for Adela's email (It's really not necessary, Eva). She also tipped me to this story - clearly, there are all kinds of fucked-up people in the world, there's no disputing that. Let's say it again - Don't kill seals. Don't shoot seals. Don't disrupte their colonies (it can disturb their breeding). Don't pick up the babies if they're alone as the mother may abandon them. Ah, the things you can learn when you research something at legitimate sites which have the express intention of providing information.

But regardless of the presence of jackasses and crackpots in the world, I stand by my article as an expression of humor, and I think that the controversy it has raised is both absurd and an incredible misdirection of time and energy by all parties involved (including myself, really). If there are people in society who will think this is true, as Rita asserts, that's unfortunate. But I don't for a second believe that this insignificant page of text is going to cause a single seal death, nor do I think I'm the person to come after because such nuts do in fact exist. Of course, that won't stop anyone from emailing me, it would seem.

Letter #2
And finally, some (apparent) true fan mail from Evan O.:

hey sup paul,
Thats pretty kool bout the harp seal story hey my names evan im just wonderin if there iz anything else thats that damn funny?

I can't condone Evan's use of "kool" or "iz", but I appreciate the support and recommend TheOnion.com.