I read this in an issue of Funny Times, and I couldn't find a copy online, so I typed it up. So everybody, to the tune of "If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands". And try not to get too depressed by this, it's funny if you don't live on this planet.

"If we can not find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi, and the bank takes back your Audi,
And the TV shows are bawdy - bomb Iraq.

If the corporate scandal's growin', bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin', we don't care and we're not jokin',
Ol' Saddam will soon be croakin' - bomb Iraq.

Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections, le's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions - bomb Iraq.

So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq.
From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying "no" would look like treason, it's the Hussein hunting season!
Even if we have no reason - bomb Iraq."

And actually, the quote that followed this is intriguing, and a bit frightening:

"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" -Donald Rumsfeld